she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
