its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
