Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
