Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
