you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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