I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
