In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
