he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
