You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
