i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
