im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
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