Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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