At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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