All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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