Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
