her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
