Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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