I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
