If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
