we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
