porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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