If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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