why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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