News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
love makes seman taste better
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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