I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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