My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's shark week go big or go home
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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