Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
