I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize