Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
