HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize