Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
