My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
