Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
