I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
