okay pat passed out under dana's car
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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