Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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