My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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