exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
