I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
