My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
