mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
