OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
They have beer where we have blood.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
