Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
