having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
