Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
