So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
