Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
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