I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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