My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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