Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize