New low: just hacked my moms facebook
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize