1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
