I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I wish there were birth control emojis
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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