I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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