I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
