my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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