May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
