Michael Bay diarrhea
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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