I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
