You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
