quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
