I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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