remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
