so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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