I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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