The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
splinters make it hard to masturbate
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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