Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
