he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize