I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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